So I have this family member that I haven't spoken to in ... well... about two years I suppose. And I don't want to. But I've been having dreams about this certain person. We used to be very very close, as close as sisters. But she did something to me that is unforgivable and well, I'm not going to forgive her. Curiosity did spike in me awhile ago and one of my very close friends befriended her on facebook just so I could be a little nosy.
Do you ever wonder that if you had just done the tiniest thing different once upon a time ago, would your life be changed? If you had glanced to your left instead of right three years ago and saw the father of your child gazing at you lovingly instead of a drug dealing convict checking you out offering you the wrong kind of attention, would you have gone in the right direction? I wonder about these small things all the time. But I especially think about them when it comes to her. As much as I do not want to talk to her or associate with her, I do truly hope that things come together for her. Its not my place to pass judgement or criticize anyone at all, but anyone, and I do mean anyone can look at her and tell shes in trouble inside her mind. She is making all the wrong choices and refusing to even acknowledge that there are other choices, other paths she can take.
Maybe seeing her facebook profile spiked these dreams that I'm having. They always starts off with us being just the way we were. Either shopping, having lunch, just hanging out, laughing, loving our family bond, getting along great.. and then it changes to her doing something totally disrespectful to me. Making me lose all trust and respect.
I do not plan on making amends. No, I don't, and I do not care how stubborn or ignorant that may make me seem. But every now and then, I do say a silent little prayer for her when I wake up from these dreams. I hope she finds what shes looking for only to realize that there are better ways.
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