Snips and snails and puppy dog tails - and dill weed.

"So, we're unsure of what food to have at the baby shower...." 

This would be a phone conversation between my mom and I one morning on my way to work, 7:30 a.m. to be exact.  My little cousin (that's right.. LITTLE) is having a baby.  Not that shes ready for it, not that they can afford to make rent on their newly leased apartment, much less afford a gazillion dollars worth of formula - they are still having a kid.  Yea, I'm a little jealous.  I'm more together than they are, more settled, yet I'm scared shitless of having a baby.  Anyway, back to the conversation.  As we're chatting about who likes to eat what, what games to play, is the paternal grandmother too stuffy to participate in a apple juice baby bottle chugging contest - I'm struggling to concentrate on the important stuff.  For instance, must drive car, must remember where you work, did I unplug the flat iron, no I cannot turn around and go back to bed.  What can I say?  I'm not a morning person. 

I vaguely remember mumbling something about cucumber sandwiches and diapers.

"That would be really great, are you sure you know how to do it?  I bet it will be cute!  I'm sure most people would like cucumber sandwiches too.  Remember, they are going for brown and blue."

Uhm, what?  As I'm pulling into my office parking lot and ending the conversation I just realized I had volunteered to make cucumber sandwiches for this 'event.'  Have I ever even had a cucumber sandwich?  What the hell goes on it?  Is it bread?  A dip?  Wait a minute... what did she say about diapers?  Did I actually say I would make a diaper cake for this shindig?  Shit, I think I did. 

I consider myself to be slightly crafty.  I can string plastic beads on a foot long length of yarn and make that little 7 year old I have at home think I am the next Vera Wang.  Sure I can do this.  Google, google, google, diaper cake, how to, photos, ideas, baby, boy, blue, brown.  OK, I think I have an idea.  Now for the cucumber sandwiches.  Luckily I have some Betty Crocker loving friends on facebook who supplied me with a fairly simple and sworn delicious recipe for 'Fancy Cucumber Sandwiches.'  We shall see.  Luckily I have about 20 some days to figure out where to find Dill Weed and roll about 100 diapers in brown and blue ribbon.  Tonight I will start the cake, and by starting the cake I mean sitting at my kitchen table copying down Mother Goose nursery rhymes on scrapbook paper.  I will update on this cake process with pictures, as I think its definitely going to be a learning experience. 

Here are some fancy schmancy diaper cake pics I stole offline, please don't sue me for copyright whatever you call it, I'm just trying to give you an idea of what I'm aiming for.  As I'm sure my version will need some sort of definition.  ie: "Ohhh... so THAT'S what you were going for with the big clump of pampers..." 

Bears, and birds, and squirrells.. Oh My!

I'm going away.  Well, for a weekend at least.  Feeling all adult-like and all I reserved a weekend at a very small, very quiet, and very simple little cabin for 2 nights.  No phones, no cable, no wifi, and I'm pretty sure we will have to drive about 5 miles to get cell phone reception at this place. 


Have you ever watched the show "Everybody Loves Raymond?"  Yes?  OK, well picture this.  I'm Deborah.  My in-laws can literally look out their kitchen window and see if I am home or not.  They can see if I am washing my car, getting dirty in my flower beds, or even if they come close enough they can tell if I'm getting dirty in the bedroom, which thankfully, they do not and I do have blinds and curtains for those reasons.  Its not as bad as the show.  I actually love my in-laws, they do so much for us and I have never minded doing anything for them.  Occasionally, and not very often, I do feel a little threatened by the constant presence of others because with our house being within spitting distance of theirs, when they have company, we have company.  Family, friends, just people stopping by always feel as if they should visit us as well as them.  I don't mind all the time, really I don't.  But when I'm sitting bra less in an old tshirt on the sofa 7:30 on a Saturday morning sipping coffee and watching DVR'd Greys Anatomy Episodes, I do not want my brother-in-law pecking on my door looking for a measuring tape or vice grip. 

They have a grill, and a fully equipped kitchen.  So that means meat and cold beer.  Yes.  Another reason for getting away.  We like to relax in the evenings with a cold beer and yummy grilled snacks.  But its hard for us both to relax in the evenings if all we are thinking about are the lists and lists of things that need to get done that weekend, both for ourselves and our families, grocery lists, home improvement projects, anything and everything.  I'm pretty excited about loading up the old 4x4 with a couple coolers and just a handful of clothing, because, with a jacuzzi in the living room across from a beautiful stone fireplace, whose gonna need but so many clothes? 


So, at first I felt a little guilty about booking this weekend.  Taking us away from them.  What will they do?  Who will they talk to?  Who will they talk about?  But we need OUR time.  I NEED to sit bra less at 7:30am sipping coffee.  OK, without cable I may not be able to catch up on my Thursday night Greys episodes, but never the less, there will be better things to do.  I want to sleep in, wake up and smell the dewy forest morning air, hear the birds, and watch the squirrels scurry around, OK... I'm sounding like the brochure from this place, but they make a good point!  So, its not the Bahamas, but it'll do for now.  Simplicity and braless-ness here I come! (in about two weeks, that is). 

Butterfly Effect

So I have this family member that I haven't spoken to in ... well... about two years I suppose.  And I don't want to.  But I've been having dreams about this certain person.  We used to be very very close, as close as sisters.  But she did something to me that is unforgivable and well, I'm not going to forgive her.  Curiosity did spike in me awhile ago and one of my very close friends befriended her on facebook just so I could be a little nosy. 

Do you ever wonder that if you had just done the tiniest thing different once upon a time ago, would your life be changed?  If you had glanced to your left instead of right three years ago and saw the father of your child gazing at you lovingly instead of a drug dealing convict checking you out offering you the wrong kind of attention, would you have gone in the right direction?  I wonder about these small things all the time.  But I especially think about them when it comes to her.  As much as I do not want to talk to her or associate with her, I do truly hope that things come together for her.  Its not my place to pass judgement or criticize anyone at all, but anyone, and I do mean anyone can look at her and tell shes in trouble inside her mind.  She is making all the wrong choices and refusing to even acknowledge that there are other choices, other paths she can take. 

Maybe seeing her facebook profile spiked these dreams that I'm having.  They always starts off with us being just the way we were.  Either shopping, having lunch, just hanging out, laughing, loving our family bond, getting along great.. and then it changes to her doing something totally disrespectful to me.  Making me lose all trust and respect. 

I do not plan on making amends.  No, I don't, and I do not care how stubborn or ignorant that may make me seem.  But every now and then, I do say a silent little prayer for her when I wake up from these dreams.  I hope she finds what shes looking for only to realize that there are better ways.